Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Amanda Knox

Allow to me introduce myself. I just have to make my way out of the office with a laptop while simultaneously dodging baskets of dirty laundry and navigating through a sea of action figures. Now where's that couch?

This is my life, the one I always wanted and never thought I would have. Growing up, I wished for a wonderful partner and three children. I found the first quite easily - my husband, Mark, whom I met nearly 15 years ago. The quest for children didn't go quite as I expected, however.

Mark and I found out we were expecting a baby in 1996. I'm 31 in 2008, so do the math - wait a minute.. Do moms even have time to do math? Never mind. I'll do it for you - I was 19 and had been living on my own for three years. In many ways we were ready to become parents. In many other ways we were not. But once our little Aerik ("little"? Try 10lbs 6oz) emerged we knew the adventure was just beginning.

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in the year 2000, after trying unsuccessfully to have second baby.

No ovulation = no baby.
No baby = very sad Amanda.

The thing I noticed most about secondary infertility is that people weren't as sympathetic as they would be if I had had no children. And while I was very grateful for the rambunctious preschooler barreling through our house at top speeds, my heart ached - nay, broke - every time he asked me when he could have a little brother. It made the miscarriage in 2001 worse, too. So much worse.

That little brother finally arrived in 2002, after some outside-the-box fertility treatments (better to do something while one is waiting to see the specialist than nothing, right?). Declan (10lbs 4oz - seeing a trend here?) was born just before Aerik's sixth birthday, and our family was complete.

Wait a minute... Didn't I say I had always wanted three children, you ask? Very observant! I did say that. When I was a child and thought babies were easily created, fell delicately out of the womb and slept as peacefully as my doll, I did. Oh, and none of my dolls were hearing impaired. Both Aerik and Declan were diagnosed with genetic hearing loss and both sport hearing aids (when they're not broken and/or lost, which they frequently are). We decided in 2006 that we were finished our family and made plans to close up shop. It's not that I think their hearing loss severely impairs them, it's just that we were unsure of what other genetic issues could run amok with our babies.

Isn't it funny how life works? Two weeks after that decision I peed on a stick. I was really tired and really hungry and figured it must be because of low iron or something.

Two lines = shocked Amanda
Shocked Amanda = wandering around the house in a daze trying to figure out how to tell my husband that we weren't quite done yet.

Baby Jackson (10lbs 2oz) was born in October 2006, completing our family and causing us to move to a larger house. Today, my life looks like this: I'm a stay-at-home-mom to three boys aged 11, 5 and 1. I live in the Aylmer sector of Gatineau as I have most of my life. I'm a writer, a postpartum doula and a wife, as I've surprisingly managed to not only keep my marriage together, but to love my husband even more despite all the chaos we've made for ourselves. My home is always a mess, my brain is always fried, I actually do have low iron now, and I drive a minivan.

I'm also a huge fan of coffee and all things coffee related. And blogging. I love blogging.

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